Tuesday, January 30, 2007

late night - it's a tough quarter

These are ramblings from staying up reading Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway, writing a paper, then hitting up Eliot's "Burnt Norton" of Four Quartets:

I have eyes that know and feet that have touched the Earth. I am a barefoot swami and many have opened up to me. You will do the same when we meet, and not because of anything I do, but because I am. I do not anticipate it nor do I gain pleasure from it. My life is to walk and be a touchstone, and your stories neither plague nor empower me. When we walk together, for you, you will feel release, and I, I will watch yours and my emotions flow through the air and disappear into the vastness that is windswept and windfree non-being. Walk with me. This garden is pleasant, and long you have to dwell (do well?) in it before you are ready to be free.

fun new words for me:
nascent - just coming into existence and beginning to show signs of future potential
ablutions - the act of washing oneself
salutary - producing beneficial effects (esp. if in reference to something negative)

You are constantly in the process of embarking on a journey, the likes of which you haven't seen yet, but the destination only where you've been, the end you've stood upon but not understood or seen. this journey through life is a single birthing process. you come out the other end alive for having been alive. alive for laughing and having contributed to the uproar of the giant laughing buddha, wiggling belly full of jelly, laughing at the shape of nothingness. he says "i am being, and because I am being, I cannot have that" and that being nothingness. ness can not have nothingness and it all makes so much perfect sense, of course you will deny it, laugh and continue to create. and nothingness does not fight back or argue. this is the big laugh. it cannot fight back.

Laugh loudly and shake the big buddha belly, for it is all absurd and perfect. We've already won, but we can't win. it is insane. in this mix it is absurd.

We've all already won, because nothingness can't fight back. Ignore for now his roaring silence that taunts he doesn't need to.

Laugh loudly and shake the big Buddha belly while you can. We've all already won, because nothingness can't fight back. Ignore for now his roaring silence that taunts he doesn't need to. Continue to laugh loudly.

4:04:18 AM whiterabbit172: battles go to bed
4:04:34 AM sheistefunkplus: i never sleep
4:04:39 AM sheistefunkplus: cuz sleep is the cousin of death
4:04:40 AM whiterabbit172: sleep is for the dead
4:04:55 AM whiterabbit172: i know a girl who battles monsters in her sleep
4:05:03 AM whiterabbit172: with all varieties of imagined weapons
4:05:09 AM whiterabbit172: using all varieties of imagined killing skills
4:05:18 AM whiterabbit172: she struggles to stay alive while dancing with the cousin of death
4:05:32 AM whiterabbit172: and i know her only during the day as living
4:05:56 AM sheistefunkplus: dale
4:06:00 AM sheistefunkplus: ...go to bed.
4:06:07 AM sheistefunkplus: jejejeje
4:06:13 AM whiterabbit172: can't...english papers
4:06:19 AM whiterabbit172: virginia woolf....great stuff
4:06:23 AM sheistefunkplus: ah word
4:06:30 AM sheistefunkplus: yeh i pulled an allnighter last night
4:06:35 AM sheistefunkplus: about two hours of sleep
4:06:42 AM sheistefunkplus: and now i'm at the shift
4:06:46 AM sheistefunkplus: it's tough
4:06:58 AM whiterabbit172: such is the grind
4:07:02 AM sheistefunkplus: palabra.

5:58:39 AM sheistefunkplus: i guess woolf describes the working middle class as "modest, mouse-coloured people"
5:58:56 AM whiterabbit172: haha
5:59:10 AM sheistefunkplus: apt band name
5:59:11 AM whiterabbit172: and so we are all are
5:59:19 AM whiterabbit172: *all are
5:59:25 AM sheistefunkplus: yeh dude
5:59:29 AM sheistefunkplus: werkin niteshift
5:59:33 AM sheistefunkplus: feelin pretty modest mouse
5:59:57 AM whiterabbit172: hiding in our little rooms and little houses like cracks and holes in the wall
6:00:02 AM whiterabbit172: feeding of the bits that get dropped down to us
6:00:12 AM whiterabbit172: via youtube and shitty overpriced drugs
6:00:21 AM sheistefunkplus: laughs
6:00:31 AM sheistefunkplus: warm beer and cold women
6:00:37 AM sheistefunkplus: it's real
6:00:47 AM whiterabbit172: quite real, warm beer and cold women
6:00:51 AM whiterabbit172: we're conditioned to like it
6:00:53 AM whiterabbit172: but i still like it
6:01:02 AM sheistefunkplus: jaja that makes two of us
6:02:30 AM whiterabbit172: life is absurdity and one big long conversation that never ends but just gets put on hold
6:02:36 AM whiterabbit172: i'm holding this one to quit buggin you
6:02:39 AM whiterabbit172: and get myself back to work
6:02:43 AM sheistefunkplus: word
6:02:52 AM sheistefunkplus: hard to remember we're alive for the last time
6:02:59 AM sheistefunkplus: good luck on the papski
6:03:17 AM whiterabbit172: i'll take it

Make each moment a constant stream of profundity, like Dylan as Ginsberg describes him at one time being a channel of air through which his voice was in the moment and ever present. Oh, what fun, these words. I've carried thoughts of all of you over that space I hesitate to enter, sleep, where you're
not guaranteed tomorrow.
You are my weapons, my army against sleep. Damn you, death's cousin.

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